Greenthumb

love is not a gift

it is no bouquet
pruned and
plucked and
placed in a vase
stuck on a table
to be admired
for a day
maybe two
then left to wither

love is a garden
love is grown
sown together
tilled and tended

it is not yours
or mine
it is its own

and when you walk away
you cannot take it with you
except in memory
but always
you can return

it may have become
overrun with weeds
plagued by pests
neglected thus
but lest you despair,
know that with care
it can be curated

know also,
left wild
still it may
be beautiful
maybe more so

come,
rest,
and in this
verdant oasis

exhilerate

lilies

gilded lilies
in a delicate vase
placeholders
meant to decorate
adorn
embellish
their surroundings

spoken just to stop the quiet
beautiful words they were

of course,
the best lies always are
that's why we believe them

beach therapy

among the waves
i dissipate
dissolve into
the coke-bottle green
become part
of a solution
my concentration
diluted
a drop in the ocean
become my woes
and lightened thus
i float

Song fragment

I was walking along when our paths converged

I liked you so much that it was absurd

And when we kissed, the world, it blurred 

Til suddenly a truth emerged

You were never with me

You were always with her

Even though she was gone 

You were still with her

I feel so dumb that I couldn't see 

You were cheating on me with a memory 

Not Love Song

They're all just stupid love songs

Full of stupid lies

He'll never see your soul when he looks into your eyes

He sees just a reflection

Of the him he wants to be

And if your vision doesn't match that 

Done with you he'll be

Haiku

kitten curled up on
the hollow of my back where 
once your arm would lay

Done

The shoe has dropped 

And barefoot I 

Can walk on glass

Or stop

And wait 

And turn

And find the grass

To feel the green 

Beneath my toes 

And shoeless 

Let go

All my woes

ache

a delicate ache
suffuses my chest
as the blinking light
on the subway map
flashes closer and
closer to home

you'd kissed me goodnight
ruefully
turned away
and we walked
in opposite directions
to the trains
that would take us
further apart
I stopped
& looked back
you descended
the stairs
& I missed what was

Ad man

We exchange pleasantries with our fixed and glossy catalogue smiles
A JC Penny photo of old friends
Static and unchanging
Facile and fake
In time gone by we were an Ambercrombie & Fitch ad
Young and interesting
Beautiful and free
Half dressed, disheveled and joyously askew
But now you check your watch with a theatrical smile
Flash the pearl whites
Stand awkwardly in a pose of repose
And wear your sensible shoes




repost of a much spammed post from 2011 so that I can delete that one

netiquette

the things we say

when no one knows 

who we are

is who we are

not etiquette 

before the queen

but the netiquette 

behind the screen 

the mask reveals

the man beneath 

Disappearing boyfriend

I wish you weren't so far away 

It seems like only yesterday 

My arms wrapped round your sturdy chest 

And on your shoulder my head found rest

Your lips my forehead gently kissed

This communion I've greatly missed 

If the distance were measured simply

In lengths my cheeks might still be dimply

But there's no ruler to measure this 

The space between what was and is

The Race

you elude me

i run

as fast as i can

but you’re always ahead

i can’t get closer

the distance only grows

we started at the same place

i took off

left you behind

always staying close enough

to tease

to taunt

i should have just run

now i’m lagging

you’ve sailed past

i can still see you

but know

soon enough

you will disappear

a memory on the horizon

i can’t keep up

no matter

my struggle

and you

won’t even look back

and cheekily wave

goodbye

Kittens tumble over one another, as kittens do.
In the corner, one sits alone.
She licks her fur with contempt for the others' antics.
That is my kitten.

He gets off the local.
He gets off the local to switch to the express.
This change will only skip 3 stops.
This change only saves time if the express comes.
And if the express comes quickly.
As often as not, it does not.
He gets off the train
for the dream of a faster train.
For a fiction.
And in the same way,
he goes through girlfriends.
Leaving the one for an empty platform.
For a randomized hope.
So it was with me.
We would have gotten there if he'd stayed.
Instead, I am empty
and alone he stands
staring at his phone
and willing a faster train
to arrive.

caught in the net

once intertwined
we frayed and split

lost glimpses
murmured rumors
hints and intimations
shards of a life
I might have shared

with a single click
I crack
and crumble

the internet interjecting
the interminable realization
that my actions or reactions or inaction
have brought about
my expulsion

I see a life curated
crafted and cultivated

and can only guess at the accuracy
to mitigate my misery

before clicking onward
ever onward
to the next thing

...and seek

I beat you at Scrabble,
You beat me at Cribbage,
At poker and Quarto we tied.
But there is one game
That I always lose...
Holy shit, you know how to hide.
One moment you're there
then, Shazaam! you're gone.
The silence is...disconcerting.
A call from the ump
Pazzow! you're back
with kisses and fun and flirting.
So no more of the games
that toy with my heart
for I am too tired for seeking
I've yelled myself hoarse,
I've looked with no luck,
And my interest no longer is piquing.
For cards and boards games,
I'm always available,
but tonsil hockey is quits.
And hide the salami,
that's over and done,
The uniform no longer fits.
If you want to play, you have to show up -
at practice as well as the games
you're not a ringer
you don't have a ring
your inconstancy give me pains.

Blabbermouth

All I am is awkward,
Ungainly,
And unkempt.
My tumbled, jumbled words a muddle,
A high-pitched blur,
A wreck.

I hear myself
As if another
And inwardly mock;
Contemptful of this thing
This sad, forlorn contrivance
Longing for affection
For affinity
For eternity
Who yet makes certain
Unfulfillment

With sonic rambling
Buffeting all who approach
In windy wasteful wishy-washy twaddle.

love's fall

our august August love
could not last
past Labor Day
but laboriously
shambled away

whilst September cools
the warmth of summer's passion
so we brace
for autumn's brisk brusquness
and the eventual winter wasteland
we will weather alone

Falderal

All my glasses had rose-tinted lenses,
All stories would end with the kiss,
All my songs were in major chords,
All hope predicated on this.

But the sun shone bright in the Garden of Eden
And there's always a snake before the fall.
Temptation speaks with soft caress
And innocence ends for us all.

The glasses obscure and the kiss deceives.
Minor chords add melancholy grace.
Hopes dashed lead to wisdom won,
The wisdom gained by losing face.

And yet, some larger hope survives.
It whispers of future glories,
"Obstacles beaten and perseverance maintained
Are the basis of all great stories."

So a humbler me puts on the glasses;
Writes the words to a happier tale
Where love's triumphant and joy abounds
And good intentions never fail.

The wiser me knows it's all unlikely -
That minor chords ring more true,
But the sanguine me holds on to the hope 
I can never completely eschew

Of fairy-tale endings and patience rewarded,
Of justice both swift and fair,
Of love requited and safe haven found
In a castle in the air.

remnants

a photo
a ticket stub
a fridge magnet
a sock

the detritus of you
litters my otherwise empty spaces
accosts me at unexpected moments
and makes me nostalgic for a past where there was a future