Haiku

kitten curled up on
the hollow of my back where 
once your arm would lay

Done

The shoe has dropped 

And barefoot I 

Can walk on glass

Or stop

And wait 

And turn

And find the grass

To feel the green 

Beneath my toes 

And shoeless 

Let go

All my woes

ache

a delicate ache
suffuses my chest
as the blinking light
on the subway map
flashes closer and
closer to home

you'd kissed me goodnight
ruefully
turned away
and we walked
in opposite directions
to the trains
that would take us
further apart
I stopped
& looked back
you descended
the stairs
& I missed what was

Ad man

We exchange pleasantries with our fixed and glossy catalogue smiles
A JC Penny photo of old friends
Static and unchanging
Facile and fake
In time gone by we were an Ambercrombie & Fitch ad
Young and interesting
Beautiful and free
Half dressed, disheveled and joyously askew
But now you check your watch with a theatrical smile
Flash the pearl whites
Stand awkwardly in a pose of repose
And wear your sensible shoes




repost of a much spammed post from 2011 so that I can delete that one

netiquette

the things we say

when no one knows 

who we are

is who we are

not etiquette 

before the queen

but the netiquette 

behind the screen 

the mask reveals

the man beneath 

Disappearing boyfriend

I wish you weren't so far away 

It seems like only yesterday 

My arms wrapped round your sturdy chest 

And on your shoulder my head found rest

Your lips my forehead gently kissed

This communion I've greatly missed 

If the distance were measured simply

In lengths my cheeks might still be dimply

But there's no ruler to measure this 

The space between what was and is

The Race

you elude me

i run

as fast as i can

but you’re always ahead

i can’t get closer

the distance only grows

we started at the same place

i took off

left you behind

always staying close enough

to tease

to taunt

i should have just run

now i’m lagging

you’ve sailed past

i can still see you

but know

soon enough

you will disappear

a memory on the horizon

i can’t keep up

no matter

my struggle

and you

won’t even look back

and cheekily wave

goodbye

Kittens tumble over one another, as kittens do.
In the corner, one sits alone.
She licks her fur with contempt for the others' antics.
That is my kitten.

He gets off the local.
He gets off the local to switch to the express.
This change will only skip 3 stops.
This change only saves time if the express comes.
And if the express comes quickly.
As often as not, it does not.
He gets off the train
for the dream of a faster train.
For a fiction.
And in the same way,
he goes through girlfriends.
Leaving the one for an empty platform.
For a randomized hope.
So it was with me.
We would have gotten there if he'd stayed.
Instead, I am empty
and alone he stands
staring at his phone
and willing a faster train
to arrive.

caught in the net

once intertwined
we frayed and split

lost glimpses
murmured rumors
hints and intimations
shards of a life
I might have shared

with a single click
I crack
and crumble

the internet interjecting
the interminable realization
that my actions or reactions or inaction
have brought about
my expulsion

I see a life curated
crafted and cultivated

and can only guess at the accuracy
to mitigate my misery

before clicking onward
ever onward
to the next thing

...and seek

I beat you at Scrabble,
You beat me at Cribbage,
At poker and Quarto we tied.
But there is one game
That I always lose...
Holy shit, you know how to hide.
One moment you're there
then, Shazaam! you're gone.
The silence is...disconcerting.
A call from the ump
Pazzow! you're back
with kisses and fun and flirting.
So no more of the games
that toy with my heart
for I am too tired for seeking
I've yelled myself hoarse,
I've looked with no luck,
And my interest no longer is piquing.
For cards and boards games,
I'm always available,
but tonsil hockey is quits.
And hide the salami,
that's over and done,
The uniform no longer fits.
If you want to play, you have to show up -
at practice as well as the games
you're not a ringer
you don't have a ring
your inconstancy give me pains.

Blabbermouth

All I am is awkward,
Ungainly,
And unkempt.
My tumbled, jumbled words a muddle,
A high-pitched blur,
A wreck.

I hear myself
As if another
And inwardly mock;
Contemptful of this thing
This sad, forlorn contrivance
Longing for affection
For affinity
For eternity
Who yet makes certain
Unfulfillment

With sonic rambling
Buffeting all who approach
In windy wasteful wishy-washy twaddle.

love's fall

our august August love
could not last
past Labor Day
but laboriously
shambled away

whilst September cools
the warmth of summer's passion
so we brace
for autumn's brisk brusquness
and the eventual winter wasteland
we will weather alone

Falderal

All my glasses had rose-tinted lenses,
All stories would end with the kiss,
All my songs were in major chords,
All hope predicated on this.

But the sun shone bright in the Garden of Eden
And there's always a snake before the fall.
Temptation speaks with soft caress
And innocence ends for us all.

The glasses obscure and the kiss deceives.
Minor chords add melancholy grace.
Hopes dashed lead to wisdom won,
The wisdom gained by losing face.

And yet, some larger hope survives.
It whispers of future glories,
"Obstacles beaten and perseverance maintained
Are the basis of all great stories."

So a humbler me puts on the glasses;
Writes the words to a happier tale
Where love's triumphant and joy abounds
And good intentions never fail.

The wiser me knows it's all unlikely -
That minor chords ring more true,
But the sanguine me holds on to the hope 
I can never completely eschew

Of fairy-tale endings and patience rewarded,
Of justice both swift and fair,
Of love requited and safe haven found
In a castle in the air.

remnants

a photo
a ticket stub
a fridge magnet
a sock

the detritus of you
litters my otherwise empty spaces
accosts me at unexpected moments
and makes me nostalgic for a past where there was a future

accomplishment

a quiet moment of unsolicited bliss
in the flash crinkle of a crooked grin
curving towards a dimpled cheek
whisked away suddenly
stoicism and cynicism returned
but not before I saw
and noted
and was gratified
in the knowing that it was mine

Swing and a miss

A promising start
derailed
 by the lack of a smile
at the appropriate moment.
A lingering glance
unreturned in time.
And thus,
 one future ends.
Ignominiously.
And the lonely show continues.

operation

heart in hand i hand it over
watch you fumble and cast aside,
dropped to the floor, splattered gore,
my heart my hope my pride
every drop of pooling blood that seeps away,
creeps away, trickles down in rivulets
and in return you hand me nothing
made up of emptiness, regrets
and on the floor i see it beat,
my heart pulses throbs and quivers
in my chest a hollow ache,
my blood can't circulate
no warmth moves me through me and i shiver
you wipe your hands and disappeared
the disaffected disinfected surgeon
and me, anaesthetic free, an open wound
left to heal itself, your sacrificial virgin

a little sip
a little dip
a little chatter
a little flirting
a lot more drinking
and how he looks don't matter
a little shame
a little time
a little late
a little test
a little unexpected
a little unprepared
a lot of conversations
a little compromise
a little wedding
a lot of wedding dress
a little place
a little bootie
a little bottle
a little sleep
a lot of tantrums
a little fighting
a lot of questions
a little regret
a lot of begging
a little forgiveness
a little more time
a little sister
a lot less sleep
a little more work
a lot more time

a hollow wind blows through me
melts my resolve
brings tears to my eyes
catches in my throat
tries to choke me

echos and whispers in the breeze
i hear them and think it's you

it's not